Distracted driving has the attention of the provincial government once again, with authorities pondering whether to ratchet up fines for texting and yakking motorists.
They should also consider a “dysfunctional driving” category.
A case in point: I’m merging onto a major road the other day and, as I’m waiting for a clear spot, the following scene unfolds:
Passing by is a small car, transporting a mattress — no, not tied on top, but inside.
The driver had fed the mattress into the rear hatch and rammed it through the interior of the vehicle until it nearly touched the windshield. He then wedged himself into the substantially reduced space remaining above the driver’s seat.
Picture a relatively large man driving, forehead pushed down nearly to the steering wheel as he fought to keep his eyes up on the road while the mattress weighed down on his noggin.
There are other words besides dysfunctional that could be used to label this genius.
Sadly, he’s not alone in his tenacity and limited creativity in overcoming various driving challenges.
From my column archives:
One winter morning on my way to work, I had another occasion to view a most peculiar, if not mildly disconcerting sight.
An oncoming motorist was dealing with a natural phenomenon not uncommon during west coast winters — namely, condensation on both the outside and inside of the windshield. (There are other such seasonal conditions found out here in Lotusland, known as ice and snow; however, they are increasingly rare, and therefore largely ignorable.)
Anyway, as you might imagine, or perhaps know from first-hand experience, windshield condensation severely restricts the driver’s ability to see through the fogged glass. The effect is dramatically compounded when driving into a rising sun, as was this fellow. His windshield had been transformed into a blindingly bright, opaque rectangle — as if aliens landed on your hood.
There are remedies for the situation, of course. Obviously, one is to use the defrosting feature found in every vehicle prior to becoming mobile. This does take planning and time management, since it can require several minutes for the engine to warm the air being blown on the glass.
The other solution is to wipe away the condensation, using the manufacturer-supplied wipers externally and a moisture-absorbent cloth or tissue on the inside.
This is only a temporary remedy, since the windshield will rapidly re-fog until it warms up, but certainly better than nothing.
But both courses of action were apparently too time-consuming for this particular motorist. Instead, he was resolutely making his way along an eastbound course with his head out of the open driver’s window. Think of a dog enjoying a car ride, except his tongue wasn’t flapping in the breeze. I chose to pull over a lane, just in case he needed the one I was in when his eyes suddenly froze shut, or just plain froze.
I’m not sure how we legislate against dysfunctional — or just plain dumb — driving.
Maybe a basic IQ test for drivers...
In the following scenario, do you: A? B? C? or F? ... for Fail?
--- Andrew Holota is the editor of the Abbotsford News
